Why?
Why am I like this?
Questions I asked myself
Questions I asked Zhushen
Questions I could never answer
Until now
I always ran away
I tried to run away
Love is scary when it’s so far away
I lived inside a room
Filled with broken emptiness
There was no fixing it
Zhushen broke apart
For Zhu to be alive
The past 4 years of my life
18 to 22,
I was still in a process of recovery
Not realizing till now
I’ve been hurting
Still healing
From the wounds and scars
Zhushen went through
18 years without love
Zhu needed
4 years of recovering
There are times,
Like tonight,
I think to myself
How I’m still alive…
Thinking back,
I’ve been told I was ugly
My thoughts were a mess
The only emotion felt was depressed
I never had someone to guide me
Feels like I should be gone
But I’m still here
Why?
Life is a choice,
But I didn’t get to choose,
Love is a decision
I never got to choose
There’s more to life than just depression
There’s love to be found with some exploration
With love, there is no expiration
It’s love that kept me alive
When I thought about suicide
I didn’t want people to regret
I know there are people who cared
No one grew up like how I did
No one went through what I did
It’s Zhushen I’ll never forget
But Zhu
It’s time to live
Remember why
Why you chose not to die
Remember
There’s love to not see others cry
There’s love to see people smile
That’s what kept you alive
It’s love
I’ve been scared of
My whole damn life
It’s love
I’m ready to embrace
